(Content warning: the images in this article, while censored, are more overtly sexual than those that usually accompany my articles.)
Everyone has different things they want to express about themselves through the boudoir experience. Some clients want to keep it innocent and sweet. Some want to amp up the intensity. And some want to bring out their most carnal sides. For those clients, erotic boudoir photography — some might call it an erotic photoshoot — is the answer.
In the planning questionnaire I send to every client, I ask what tones they want their images to have. I provide a long list of options they can choose from, and they can select as many of those as they wish. The options range from “abstract” to “intense” and many steps in between. I even have an option where the client can fill in their own answers. But the two at the bottom of the list share a word representing the edgiest of them all: “erotic.”
Actually, “erotic” used to be only one option on my questionnaire. But I found out over the years that that word means vastly different things to different people. Even when I split it up into “erotic (suggestive)” and “erotic (explicit),” I still found out how much the definitions of those vary between people. For some, “explicit” simply means nudity, even without any sexual overtones; for others, it can mean extremely sexual. As Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart said regarding porn in 1964, “I know it when I see it.”
For the purposes of this article, I will define “erotic” the way Merriam-Webster suggests: related to arousing sexual desire. More than simply nudity, the images from an erotic photo session aim to express someone’s carnal side. The images can suggest sexuality or show it explicitly.
So is an erotic photoshoot right for you? Some things to consider:
What you want to express
Each person has many facets. When a client fills out my questionnaire and gets to the “tones” question, they usually select several options. Clients who select either or both of the erotic categories usually want to affirm, claim, or reclaim who they are as a sexual being. Even if they’re also doing it with the intention of creating images to arouse someone else, in the most transformational sessions it’s often something personal just for themselves.
Preferences and boundaries
When a client chooses “erotic (explicit)” in my planning questionnaire, another box appears where they can give me more details about what that term means to them. That way I can find out more about their preferences and boundaries. Clear communication is important throughout the entire boudoir experience, but especially so as it edges into the deeply erotic. I never want to suggest any poses or actions that are outside of a client’s comfort zone. At the same time, I don’t want them to hold themselves back.
Sometimes a client will ask, “is it ok if I _____ in my session?” They’re concerned whether a certain level of sexuality is allowed, and they don’t want to offend me as their photographer. Some photographers have stricter boundaries that don’t allow for explicit sexuality. My own boundaries are whether someone will get hurt non-consensually or be in danger of that, and I won’t photograph a session where either the client or I will be in danger of getting arrested.
Other than that, I encourage my clients to be their fullest selves.
Bottom line: be very clear with your photographer about what you want to express in your session, and make sure you’re on the same page.
Couples erotic photoshoots
My last article covered couples boudoir in general (click here to read the article), but here I want to expand on the previous section. Sometimes couples will ask me if it’s ok for them to engage in sex acts. The answer at my studio is yes. Some photographers may say no. Again, I want my clients to feel celebrated just as they are.
As I noted in my other article, at least at my studio, I welcome, honor, and celebrate couples (and other numbers) of all genders and sexualities.
“What if I want to expand outside my comfort zone?”
I wrote earlier that I don’t want to suggest any poses or actions that are outside a client’s comfort zone. But sometimes a client will tell me that they’re using the boudoir experience to push past their usual edges. That’s great! I design the boudoir experience to be a safe space where a client can ask these questions without fear of judgment. They’re free to dip their toes into new waters and see how they feel about it. It could be more nudity than they thought they could do. It might be venturing into the kink world. It might mean showing more explicit sexuality.
Throughout the session, I constantly check in with a client to make sure we’re capturing what feels right for them. When I know the client wants to push their personal boundaries, we’ll talk about what that means for them. I’ll ask questions that help them identify what they want to explore.
I hope this article has given you a good introduction to erotic boudoir photography. More importantly, if you’ve wanted to try it out but wondered whether it was ok, I hope now you know that it is — at least with the right photographer. And if it’s not for you, that’s great too! Boudoir is a big tent with room for people to express themselves however it feels truest for them. So: what’s right for you?
